Walking down the lane, and this cold November Rain always freaks me out. I
am helpless, painless and emotionless . I remember the day when we were walking
together. You were totally leaning with me. Don't know how happy i were to see
your lovely face and those innocent eyes. You are my world and this world is
mine. I forgot to blink my eyes.... i forgot to listen.. I am habituated to
living with memories. remembering you at your lap......
You are there for me just like nothing... physically not
but your memories are enough to give me a company. I can live for million of
years. I love you. You told me not to think much. But i cannot. How can i control
my emotions, the memories of our togetherness.... how can i let it go away just
like anything? I cannot my lord.... you are my blood always running in my vein. I
cannot see you but feel you.... you are warm.
And look at these trees!!!! You
remember when you showed me that bird..... sitting alone on the branch...'I just
don't want anything being separated.... even a bird... i cannot control myself'. I
was touched by your words. You looked at me and gave a warm
kiss.... inexpressive how i felt.... I forgot the world, i forgot myself. Only
you were there..... i felt like i am within you. I thanked the bird... thank you
for touching someone's heart and making it realize how difficult the separation
is. I was well aware but you should feel the same. Today you realized. I was
even more happy.
Years passed like nothing.
But i never forgot to count. Its been 5 full years since we last met. But don't
worry.... i have got enough of your memories to live. I can live for million of
years with it.... not so easy though.... The more gap time puts on our memories
the more difficult i find to breath, Its even worse to realize the truth.... that
you are no more for me...... Your email that i read 2 years back gently killed
all my hopes. I didn't scream, i didn't cry louder.... i didn't act stupid.... but
i am left nothing..... Maybe i was lacking..... something which you found from the
other girl..... I tried my fullest to make you happy.... to care you.... to trust
you.... even i learnt the recipes of your favorite dish. You remember i cooked it
for you when you were hungry? I know you remember but act like you forget. I
was stupid.... i was foolish to love you like this... i always thought what you
want... i always did what you expect...... but never looked at myself. I ate ice
cream with you when i was sneezing... just because you liked it. And you asked me
not to do so...i didn't care. ... i didn't want to go away from you... at any
cost
I started searching you on others. But couldn't find.... you are not so
cheap to be found anywhere. You were different so i loved you. I was
ordinary.... I decided to live rest of my life alone.... see i told you
before..... i have got enough of your memories to live for years. These days i
find you in the faces of these innocent children. I don't know but they
are equally innocent like you. They don't lie... and you never did.... they don't
wish bad..... you didn't as well..... they don't cheat others.... and i feel you
didn't either..... in fact i was cheating myself..... i expected something which
was never supposed to be mine.... I didn't loose you because i never got you. You
told me not to step back reading your email.... not to ruin your life...... but
you didn't realize..... i was never at the front.... it was just a dream..... i am
never with you.
This little child always makes me happy. He says he loves
me.... and this feeling lets me act foolish.... I cannot ask him to call me
'mother' because he has his own..... Slowly, I am forgetting your face. Slowly i
am forgetting those moments... i got you in the face of this little boy.... just
like you.... the same innocence which i used to find on you.
I love talking
with these kids...... because i learning to be happy from them. The world is very
beautiful if you forget your sorrows..... or you don't know what actually these
crazy things are. I am stepping to the brighter side. God bless you.
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