मनको साँघु

निसंकोच  वर्वराई रहन्छु
कुना कुना छान मारेर
म पुरै रित्तिएको छु आज
तिमी सुनिमात्र रहन्छौ एकतमासले
मौन स्विकृति
काफी छ मेरो लागि....
मलाई साधु वन्ने रहर छ
तिमी नि वन्ने हो?

आँखा वोल्छन् तिम्रा
मनको तार सिधै आँखैमा जोडिएजस्तो
वादल नभएको आकाश जत्तिकै सफा
तिम्रो भावको प्रतिविम्व
लपक्कै छापिएको छ  मनमा
आफ्नो मान्छे भन्छौ है मलाई
कति आफ्नो हुँ हिसाव किताव छ ?


आवाज विनाको वोली
तारे वाजाको धुन जत्तिकै स्पष्ट हुन्छ
मनैमनको ईसाराले
म पानी पानी भएको छु
अनि वग्दै छु एकतमासले
साँच्ची पानीसँगै तिम्रो आकृति
कति स्पष्ट देखिएको है?

टाढिनु मेरो वाध्यता हो
चाल नपाएजस्तो गरी
म भारी मनले घिस्रिरहन्छु
गन्तव्य थाहै नपाई
यत्रतत्र वरालिईरहन्छु

तर
मेरो पदचापले तिमीलाई पिडा नहोस्
सम्झ
हामी खोलाका दुई किनार हौँ
किनार भेटाउन हालिएको साघुँको के अर्थ
हामी त्यसैका वारी र पारी हौँ ।।

Empty Road

 Walking down the lane, and this cold November Rain always freaks me out. I am helpless, painless and emotionless. I remember the day when we were walking together. You were totally leaning with me. Don't know  how happy i were to see your lovely face and those innocent eyes. You are my world and this world is mine. I forgot to blink my eyes....i forgot to listen.. I am habituated to living with memories. remembering you at your lap...... 

                                 You are there for me just like nothing...  physically not but your memories are enough to give me a company. I can live for million of years. I love you.You told me not to think much. But i cannot. How can i control my emotions, the memories of our togetherness....how can i let it go away just like anything? I cannot my lord....you are my blood always running in my vein. I cannot see you but feel you....you are warm.

And look at these trees!!!!You remember when you showed me that bird.....sitting alone on the branch...'I just don't want anything being separated....even a bird...i cannot control myself'. I was touched by your words. You looked at me and gave a warm kiss.... inexpressive how i felt....I forgot the world,  i forgot myself. Only you were there.....i felt like i am within you. I thanked the bird...thank you for touching someone's heart and making it realize how difficult the separation is. I was well aware but you should feel the same. Today you realized.  I was even more happy. 

                                Years passed like nothing. But i never forgot to count. Its been 5 full years since we last met. But don't worry....i have got enough of your memories to live. I can live for million of years with it.... not so easy though.... The more gap time puts on our memories the more difficult i find to breath, Its even worse to realize the truth....that you are no more for me......Your email that i read 2 years back gently killed all my hopes. I didn't scream, i didn't cry louder....i didn't act stupid....but i am left nothing.....Maybe i was lacking.....something which you found from the other girl..... I tried my fullest to make you happy....to care you....to trust you....even i learnt the recipes of your favorite dish. You remember i cooked it for you when you were hungry? I know you remember  but act like you forget. I was stupid....i was foolish to love you like this...i always thought what you want...i always did what you expect......but never looked at myself. I ate ice cream with you when i was sneezing...just because you liked it. And you asked me not to do so...i didn't care. ...i didn't want to go away from you...at any cost

I started searching you on others. But couldn't find....you are not so cheap to be found anywhere. You were different so i loved you. I was ordinary....I decided to live rest of my life alone....see i told you before.....i have got enough of your memories to live for years. These days i find you in the faces of these innocent children. I don't know but they are equally innocent like you. They don't lie...and you never did....they don't wish bad.....you didn't as well.....they don't cheat others....and i feel you didn't either..... in fact i was cheating myself.....i expected something which was never supposed to be mine....I didn't loose you because i never got you. You told me not to step back reading your email....not to ruin your life......but you didn't realize.....i was never at the front....it was just a dream.....i am never with you.

This little child always makes me happy. He says he loves me....and this feeling lets me act foolish....I cannot ask him to call me 'mother' because he has his own.....Slowly, I am forgetting your face. Slowly i am forgetting those moments...i got you in the face of this little boy....just like you....the same innocence which i used to find on you. 

I love talking with these kids......because i learning to be happy from them. The world is very beautiful if  you forget your sorrows.....or you don't know what actually these crazy things are. I am stepping to the brighter side. God bless you.